another milestone...but not so celebratory

Sometimes milestones are wonderful markers on life's journey, and sometimes they are hard blows. Last week was a celebration as my youngest daughter graduated high school, then came the awful decision that mom was no longer safe at home after being found confused and disoriented in the lobby of the local small town post office...luckily by a dear friend of mine who called me right away.

And also luckily there was a bed available in a truly wonderful assisted living facility...one with a memory unit.

Mom, obviously, has Alzheimer's. She is one of the ones that also presents with Sundowner Syndrome as well. She seems and actually is very good during the day, but the discontent, restlessness, irritability, and desire to wander hit her in the evening. It's heartbreaking.

It has taken my mom before her body gave out. And that isn't really fair.

And as nice as the facility is, she felt so hurt and totally BETRAYED when we went in with her to stay. No matter what we'd said in the past, to her going to Clover Ridge was a sneak attack she knew nothing about. In her mind I tricked her into going in and now she's locked up.

No matter what our reality is, that IS her reality.

And there is no way around that. Except that after a couple days she sort of forgot she was mad at me. She started looking forward to seeing her neighbors and realized there were some church friends in there that she knew already. So she's settling. Somewhat.

I know this will be up and down. Some days she will forget she settled in and it will be back to being like the first day she got there. Other days she'll be too busy to visit with me. That's ok because what I DO know is that I don't have to get a call from the police saying my mom fell on some side street and someone found her and the worst has happened. I know she will be OK and cared for and SAFE!!

I love her and want her to not only have safety, but dignified safety. She will be ok and I'll get used to it. I miss her already. She was an amazing, classy lady who is very much responsible for my love of wonderful beautiful things and especially my love of books. I'm so proud when people comment on how much we look alike.

These are the milestones marked with the tears of heartache, but still filled with love.

Milestones

This is my youngest. She graduates from High School today. Then, after a whirlwind summer, she is off to St. Ambrose University to become a High School English teacher.

She's going to be phenomenal!

I hate that I've been so absent from my own dear blog! I do have so much to discuss and so little time to discuss it!

But I'll try making a list to keep me on task.

Things I want to blog about:

• How I'm doing (I'm healing and still here, keeping my chin up, and getting back on the horse actually)
• World Book Night (I was a giver)
• Little time for reading but am working on it!
• Acquisitions - found some goodies!
• De-construction of the library at my house because
• Moved my mom in with me (she has dementia)
• Upcoming BEA
• Writing work
• Graduation of my youngest

Anything else as I think of it :)

Sunday Screening - Les Miserables

I'd seen the non-musical version of Victor Hugo's masterpiece of humanity Les Miserables, but the new production was my first introduction to the musical.

First, let me say that this story is one of those stories that has touched me so much, with the bravery, cruelty and above all the amazing amount of redemption!!!

Now as for the musical.

Performances were amazing! Hugh Jackman was great!

Anne Hathaway blew them all away!

But my sympathies and favorite performance was Samantha Barks as Eponine.

She brought that character to it's full force of emotion! (and I identify most closely with her.)

Some tears most def, but mostly just an overwhelming depression!

I feel like I need to watch something upbeat! Something cheerful and uplifting, like Romeo and Juliette or Old Yeller or something!

Life of Pi... On Pi Day! Hey!

I honestly didn't realize I would be reviewing Life of Pi on Pi day! How cool is that!! :)

Now if I could just report that I liked it.

Synopsis from Amazon: After the sinking of a cargo ship, a solitary lifeboat remains bobbing on the wild blue Pacific. The only survivors from the wreck are a sixteen-year-old boy named Pi, a hyena, a wounded zebra, an orangutan—and a 450-pound royal bengal tiger. The scene is set for one of the most extraordinary and beloved works of fiction in recent years.
Except I wasn't convinced. Was it good? Yeah it was, once you got to the end. In the middle is was horrific! Not that fiction can't be great and be horrific, it can, but this just seemed to drag out and to be so brutal. As is life, yeah yeah I know. I "get" the whole metaphor and allegory. And I know what it is to fight and fear one's own base nature. I couldn't help it though.

It just wasn't one of my favorites. The sea was huge and long, the island was a total, please excuse the expression, mind-fuck, and Richard Parker was too sad for words!! I felt bad for the damn tiger through the whole entire book!!

I suppose, were I inclined to have some friends read it and then sit around and discuss it over pink wine, I may find some of the 'easter eggs' of moral, introspective, wisom that I missed on my (admittedly distracted) first read...

And an even better testament to the strength of this book is that I WILL some day read it again. And hopefully when I do, I can be more relaxed, and more analytical.

Until then... I give Life of Pi 3/5.

Happy 3.14!!! 

On The Upside..

Here I am. Breathing in, breathing out.

On a positive note.

I can report that I have paid down my Credit card by 2000 :)

And I intend to keep at it!

:)


I am finishing up Life of Pi. I have come to the conclusion though that I simply do not care for this book.

I had my first DNF in quite a few years. Savannah Blues. Just couldn't take it. Too blithe.

Maybe here pretty soon I'll find something new that catches my interest.....

And I mean that in many respects I hope.

The Wisdom of Resolutions

I had one very key New Year's Resolution. No Relationships.

And I broke that one very Quickly. and Very Very thouroughly.

I fell in love.

And He didn't catch me.

And I'm so broken I really don't know how to go on.

My life had been, if not full, at least busy.

Now I can't figure out how to get out of bed, or eat, or work, or care. Im so confused on why I am always the one kicked aside...and this time by someone who had everything I've ever wanted...including promises that made me happy.

I don't care if I ever blog again. Books don't even hold a minor interest, or passing fancy. Not much does at the moment.

I'll heal. Somehow. But I'm scarred now. Worse than has ever happened to me.

Leukemia I could fight. This is out of my control. I can't even say please.

I'll keep going, my kids compell that. I want to see their lives. And how full they will be.  And like all mothers, I will hope that their lives turn out better than mine.